There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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