its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
