it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
