you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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