you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
