i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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