Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
