I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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