I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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