Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
