imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
