Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
