Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
