I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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