just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
