why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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