I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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