I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
