saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
