she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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