This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
