is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
