I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
