halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
