chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
