Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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