And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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