When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
