I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
