Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
