dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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