NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
