How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
