so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
