the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
