I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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