They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
