u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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