I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
