i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Found the puke drawer
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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