Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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