I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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