yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
