We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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