we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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