put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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