Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
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you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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