O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
