My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
