I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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