This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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