I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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