It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
