We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
