A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
