Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
