My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
