I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
