I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
