so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
