I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
