Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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