Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
