Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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