the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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