at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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