Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Randomize
