I want to walk on stilts...naked
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
