I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
