I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
