I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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