i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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